Curse

Taranis · Apr 01, 2005, 01:16 PM // 13:16

Well, about time someone posted this, actually I never checked if there was a topic like that but making a new ones shouldn't hurt, so share whatever yout hink is funny with us here, so we can see what kind of humor GW-Players have! I'll start with this ones, got it by mail from a friend and I think it's worth sharing it with yas:

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday
morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. God works in Mysterious ways. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days".
Flattered, the man replies, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely, this
must be a sign from God!"
The woman continues, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is
completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God
wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and
drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police.... "

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Women are clever, evil bitches.

Don't mess with them.

I got nothing against women but that's just funny

Ren Falconhand · Apr 02, 2005, 04:07 AM // 04:07

Just got this on in my e-mail.

What are the odds of a turtle crossing a 4 lane freeway and making it.

To get the answer remember the "F" in Free and the "F" in Way.
...............
..........
.......
....
..
.

Ther is no F in Way

(there's no F'n Way)

Ha ha

Ren

Rushing Wind · Apr 02, 2005, 04:54 AM // 04:54

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband bursts into the kitchen!

"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! HURRY! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!!!"

The wife stared at him. "What is wrong with you!? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like
when I'm driving..."

~ I know too many back seat drivers! Ironically, and quite funny too, my wife falls into this category. Now if only I could get her to cook some eggs (instead of me) I could scary the living hell out of her! Boy, she'd love me for days to come after that! Hello couch! Here I come...

Moral: If you aren't in the driver seat... SHUT THE HELL UP!!!

Yentl · May 13, 2005, 01:47 PM // 13:47

omg lol

Pixie · May 13, 2005, 02:20 PM // 14:20

I've always loved this one:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. =P

ArgentLupe · May 13, 2005, 02:28 PM // 14:28

I got nothing that won't get me banned, so I'll just keep reading and laughing at everyone elses!

rcol · May 13, 2005, 03:08 PM // 15:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pixie

I've always loved this one:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.
He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door.
He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. =P

hahahahahahahahahah lo0l rofl
realy good man

DraieGardo · May 13, 2005, 03:28 PM // 15:28

Dinner with the Girlfriend's Parents

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and
meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the
girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his
head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you
were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist."

Eskimo Bob · May 14, 2005, 12:03 AM // 00:03

Holy crap those are halarious!!11!!!one!!!11!! I have heard the first one before but not the last two. Here are some of mine, you have probably heard of them before but o well.

The forest test:

Three men were lost in a forest when a tribe of cannibals captured them. The tribe cheif said that they could live if they finished a task. All of the men agread to try the test. The cheif ordered them to go into the forest and collect 10 of the same fruit and come back here. So they all went out and the first guy retured with 10 apples. The cheif then said now you must shove all 10 of those apples into your ass without laughing, crying or making any facail expression. So the man starts off, 1...2...3... then the man groans and starts to show a face of pain. So he is killed. The next man arrives with 10 grapes. He is told the same thing and he starts off, 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... then he bursts out laughing and is killed. The two men meat up in heaven and the first man asks him "What hell happened you almost had it!!"
the second man says

"I know, but I saw the last guy coming with 10 pinaples."

The magical frog:

In a forest lived a magical frog that had not seen another living creature in his entire life. But on day on his trip to the pond he saw a bear chasing a rabbit. He calls them over so they come over. The frog says that since they are the first animals he has ever seen, he will grant them 3 wishes each. So the bear starts "I wish to be the most sexy male bear ever". So his wish is granted. The rabbit goes next "I wish for a motorbike". The bear goes again "I wish for all the bears in this forest to be femals, besides me that is". So his wish is granted. The rabbit goes again "I wish for a helmet". So he gets a hemlet. The bear pipes up "Why are you making all these lousy wishes when you can just wish for money and buy that stuff". The rabbit does not respond. The bear goes again for his last wish "I wish for all bears in the world to be femal, besides me that is". So it is granted. Now it is the rabbits turn again. The rabbit jumps on the bike, straps on his helmet. Revs up the bikes.

"I wish for that bear to be gay" and roars off on his bike.

EDIT: Just rmember some more.

The magical beer:

This laddy walks into a bar located 13 stories up, and looks around for someone to talk to. She sees a very oddly dressed man sitting by the bar all alone.

She goes over and says "What you drinking there?"

The man replies "Magical beer"

Thinking that this guy is weird, she walks off to look for someone else. After wandering around and seeing that there is no other people worthy enough for here to talk to, she goes back to that weirdly dressed man.

She says "Thats not realy magical beer you know"

"Sure it is" the man replies "Just look"

He takes a big gulp, jumps out the window and flies aorund the building, and lands back in the window. The women amazed by this asks him to do it again, so he does. She then asks if she can try, and the man lets her have a gulp. She runs to the window, jumps out and falls 13 stories to here death.

The barkeep walks up to the man "Superman, you are such an ass when you are drunk"

The deadly conversation:

A married couple are driving down the highway, with the husband driving and the wife in the passenger seat.

The wife out of nowhere says "Honey, I want a divorce"

The husband says nothing but increases the speed of the car.

"I have been having an affair with your best friend and to be honest, he is a better lover than you" the wife continues.

The husband remains silent and increases his speed even more.

"I want the kids, credit cards, car, and house too" the wife drags on

The husband remains silent and increases his speed even more as he turns sharply towars a bridge.

"You have been very quite, is there anything you would like?" the wife says

"No, I have everything I need" The husband says calmly

"And what would that be?" the wife asks

"THE AIR BAG" the husband shouts just before the car slams into a concrete wall at 90 mph.

Olfin Bedwere · May 14, 2005, 01:26 AM // 01:26

One evening a dad decided to fix venison steaks for his family. At the dinner table the dad asked his 2 kids
"Do you know what kind of meat this is kids?"
"No" said Sally
"Is it pork?" asked Willie
"No" said dad
"Is it chicken?" asked Sally
"No" said dad
"We don`t know dad." said Willie
"It`s what your mother sometimes calls me" said dad
"SPIT IT OUT WILLIE!" screamed Sally "WE`RE EATING ASSHOLE!"

Yentl · May 14, 2005, 03:15 PM // 15:15

lol these r great